Alcoholics Anonymous
This is an example of a typical Sponsee, Sponsor engagement.
How to Ask an AA Member to Sponsor you,
My advice to you is to attend a number of meetings and just watch and listen the
members sharing. Focus on those who seem to be living good lives and are
content in themselves, they speak of how they have recovered.
Typically towards the end of the meeting, you will see people raise their hand and volunteer to be a sponsor.
If they have what you want ?
Chances are that they will make a good sponsor. A good sponsor might have similar life experiences, family situations, or back rounds. However, some of the best sponsors might have little in common with you. This might provide a unique perspective, follow your instincts.
All people have unique gifts, Somebody that is really relatable might be a great fit. A person that sponsors many people might be a good choice. Or the person sitting next to you can offer a suggestion, just ask - No committment, just researching.
Always go for someone whose recovery inspires you.
Engaging a sponsor is an Invest in your success, working the 12 steps is a great opportunity for a new life.
You will have to commit time, a sincere desire to recover, and willingness to change. This process takes effort.
It can seem like the hardest
thing in the world is to ask an AA member to be your sponsor.
Here is an option. Walk over to somebody of interest after the meeting, or on break.
Hello my name is _____ that was a great share, (or) I see you here often, what meetings do you attend ? This can be a great ice breaker, no commitments yet, and typically they will ask you a few questions, like, are you new to the group? How is it going? I appreciate you being here today. or maybe after some conversation, You Ask are you looking for a sponsee? They might ask you if you need a sponsor? Start the conversation, to see where it leads you.
Another great way to kick start a sponsorship engagement. Get to know people you sit near at meetings, typically they can help with introductions, again, this helps break the ice.
Did I pick the wrong sponsor?
If after a bit of time you feel that you made the wrong choice then by
all means find someone else. It's your life and it's your sobriety.
Don't compromise it because you don't want to hurt our feelings. On the flip side, switching out sponsors serveral times will likely cause frustration on your side. Many will request you re-start the steps at the beginning.
If your Sponsor is not responding, or moving you through the steps, it might be good to change up. If however they have supplied you with some requests, like calling regularly, finishing assignments on time, and going to meetings as you have scheduled. Don't be suprised if they interact with you less. Bottom line, they have other people to help inside and outside of AA.
Can I fire my sponsor?
Some people say " I fired my sponsor" You can't fire a sponsor because they are volunteers, you cannot fire somebody you do not employ. Be respectful, and say its not a fit, it won't hurt our feelings. if we are not a fit , that's ok. We want you to find the right person to help you through the recovery process. You can ask us if they know somebody who might be a better fit. This will not hurt our feelings. We have only a limited amount of time in life, this gives us opportunity to help somebody else, that might be a better fit for us and you.
Bottom Line, this is your journey, we are just people that know the path is > The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous outlined in the Big Book and 12 and 12 Book.
What if they say no?
This is
a common barrier to asking somebody. So
what if they say no, it's no reflection on you. There could be many reasons. We all have time constraints, just like you, personal, family, work, obligations, are just a few reasons why we not available. Ask us for a referral.
Support could also come from individuals other than your sponsor. If you
couldn’t find a sponsor, the next ideal thing is to reach out to another
A.A. member that you could get support from.
What a Sponsor is not ?
Somebody who will fix your problems for you. They can guide you to possible solutions, but ultimately, you must be willing to commit to recovery, meet your challenges, make changes in your behavior, changes in your life, and you must work to solve / resolve these issues.
Sponsors are not Gurus, We don't have all the answers, we are just people, who have worked, and are working a 12 step program, and believe we can offer some 12 Step direction to others. We walked in the door just like you, and now can share experience on how to progress through the 12 steps.
A sponsor is somebody who has working knowledge of the 12 steps.
Big Book Dr's Opinion: We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol
on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the
phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the
average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use
alcohol in any form at all;
and once having formed the habit and found
they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their
reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them and become
astonishingly difficult to solve.
Why am I not progressing, and Staying Sober ?
This is the big question lots of people have. Typically, you are not willing to stop drinking, or, think it will be different next time, or you just need to do this until the heat is off. People who are unwilling to invest the time to work the steps, to work towards honesty, to make the commitment, to follow direction, and to attend meetings regularly. Sobriety comes to everybody who works for it. It might take time, and it will happen. I have seen it thousands of times over the past few decades. People who will not commit & accept they are powerless over alcohol/drugs, and they loop in and out, over and over. They sober up, life gets good for a while, they relapse, life gets worse very quickly, they sober up, life gets ok - it is declining but we say " it's not that bad" , Then they relapse, life it worser, going down, and down, and down, until.
You really get only 4 choices.
1. Accept you are an Alcoholic, commit to changing your life, and have a spiritual awakening. (Best Choice).
2. Go to Jail / Prison for a period of time - to be determined by others.
3. Go to the hospital repeatedly until, Doctors cannot help you. see 4.
4. Die , either a slow death over years of anguish and both physical & emotional pain, or a death by extreme circumstances.
Understanding: Why I want to do this?
Alcoholics & Addicts can go on for weeks, months, and years without seeing the effects they are causing to people. Parents, Friends, Spouses, Children, Co-Workers, & even YOU. Everybody you encounter is being affected by your addiction. You might not notice it, but they do, and they have been impacted.
Change your behavior, Change your life, & Change their life's !
When you look to the future with open and honest heart, Will your life story be? (you) are a Great Student, Co-worker, Father, Mother, Husband, Wife, Friend, Brother, Sister, Aunt, Uncle, Grandparent, etc. People will Say "with love and admiration" : I remember the time we did (_____) together it was awesome… (you) are just the best (_____) . It's been amazing to see how (you) changed their life.
Or will people answer: “We distanced our self from (you) years ago “ I think (you) is still … Addicted, Homeless, Divorced, Prison, Hospitalized, Injured, …...
or Dead.